gathering stories

A photo from around 10 years ago. It was nap time for the toddler, and I was outside on the back patio of our old house taking photos for an article I'd written. Back then I seldom "slept when the baby slept" and more often worked whenever she took a nap. I was standing on a chair to get above whatever I was photographing that day, and suddenly I realized someone was watching me.

I remember the quick cascade of feelings that went from "crap I knew I was being loud" to "when am i ever going to get this done" to complete delight at this mischievous face staring at me. And I snapped this photo as she saw me start to laugh.

"The days are long but the years are short" is a saying I read around that time. So much truth there. We'd been through heart surgery and medicine three times a day for two years, and I lived from a place of believing if we had been through that we could get through anything. Of course, life unfolds as it does and so much was to come. And, moments like this one helped me find The And Space inside my days.

I walked over to the window as I was laughing and told her to keep watching me while I finished my work. And she started giggling and did just that. Somehow I was able to be mom and photographer in that moment.

Did I always move toward delight back then? No. Do I now? Not always.

And.

Capturing this moment and remembering pieces of the story so many years later helps me gather up the evidence of the moments we really did live then. I was a tired mom of a toddler AND I was working in the in-between spaces. I was trying to heal from feeling like I had to keep her alive every day (like I had for those first two years) AND I was a mess at times and neck deep in the feelings I hadn't let myself have. I was unsure of many things AND I was figuring it out. I was sad and open and hopeful and creating a life for us. And it was a beautiful mess of love that brought us here. What a gift it is to be able to listen for the stories inside the memories, to find evidence of how we live with our hearts open.

*****

Over the summer, I sat down and practiced one of my favorite prompts and made a list of stories I want to tell. As I started to write this list, I realized I wanted to share these stories with you because maybe you, like me, need these reminders of how to reach toward presence, compassion, and love each day. This was on of those stories. I’ve gathered others along with quotes, poems, and other inspiration for a new offering I’m calling Side by Side. If you’d like to join me for 30 days of stories and inspiration, head over here to learn more. You can sign up at any time.