pause.

Sweet soul, remember to pause for what fills you up.

For me, this has meant connection, laughter, truth telling, cuddling on the couch, favorite clothes, and laying on the floor in child's pose (sometimes while listening to Christmas music). Life feels even more fractured when I don't take time for these simple moments that support me.

When we're centered, we can better know what next step to take. We can stand on more solid ground even as the world around us is vastly unpredictable.

My hope for you is that you have moments of ease and connection in your corner even as you make decisions about how you will move through uncertainty.

::

It's hard to know what to say right now, and I worry my words about self-care might seem trite. But I'm trusting you're finding your way and deciding what you know to be true and feeling your own edges as you take in how our world has changed in the last few days. That intensity is real and hard, and if I can't wrap you in a hug, I hope I can at least invite you to listen to what you most need and remind you to take care of you so that you can take care of others. 

Big, big love,
Liz

PS I wrote an article for eBay about ways to strengthen your everyday relationships. It's full of the ideas I'm trying to implement over here as I focus on daily connection as a way to be more open and aware of what is happening in my own community.

checking in

Hello sweet soul,

This is me checking in to say that since I posted my previous post, I've been thinking about what "not on my watch" really means to me. The intentions, actions, and prayers that stand tall, rest, and even roar inside those words. I've been thinking about what standing up really means. It feels important to peek in here and say that. 

I'll be sharing more, but didn't want another day to go by without letting you know.

Blessings and love,

Liz

not on my watch

So this is that moment when I come back to this space and start writing. And writing. And sharing the rawness and realness along with ideas and practices and community. I'm working on lists - lists of self-care and lists of organizations I want to donate to, support, and learn more about and lists of voices I want in my daily life so that I stay informed without being consumed and lists of ways I'm going to serve. This is the day when I starting coming to this place more often to make sense of things like I have again and again over the years.

But first, here's a snapshot of thoughts from this morning, the day after the day after we did the unthinkable as a country.

Seeking the everyday rhythm as deep self-care. This simple ritual of breakfast and talking while I make her lunch. The sound of her chatter and laughter and decision that "today is all about Kitty Power!" The smells of coffee and cream cheese and a bagel toasting. The negotiation of: "If I put this piece of Halloween candy in your lunch, you also have to eat all your chicken." Audible sigh. "Fine." Finding coloring books and colored pencils for Jon to take to school for the mindfulness class he's teaching today. Brainstorming that maybe he should have a coloring station for kids. (Imagine your high school physics classroom with a coloring station?) Bringing my hand to my heart every time I remember who our next president will be. Breathing in that space that still feels a bit hallow inside me. Finding her coat and shoes and zipping up her backpack and off they go.

Today, I'll be home alone. Might stay in pjs. Will try to stay hydrated because I'm feeling brittle and dry. I'm going to write today. And write. And listen to music. And let the swirling grief and anger and disbelief sit beside me here on the couch. This is The And Space. The place where I get to feel it all. The place where I decide what's next.

::

One thing I do know is that I will be using my privilege, my wisdom, my love to say:

If you're going to try to hurt people who are different from you -people in the LGBTQ community, people in Muslim, Jewish, and other religious communities, people of color, people who are disabled, people who are more vulnerable than you. If you're going to try to harm my daughter who believes that love is love is love. If you're going to try to hurt anyone at all, you're going to have to get through me. You're going to have to get through so many of us holding hands and saying: Not on my watch.

::

I'm seeking the simple, everyday rhythms and writing and working so I can keep paying the bills, while I let all my feelings sit on the couch beside me. I'm letting this be my practice today because I know there is so much work to be done. Take care of you over there. And if you need a place to land, there's room over here in The And Space. I've got cookies.

it's always okay.

After our Toys R Us adventure on Saturday (which one of us was super excited about and the other was more in the "why didn't I have another cup of coffee" camp), we were hungry, and she spotted Jamba Juice. I drove over and immediately remembered that it's in this corner of the mall with impossible parking. Right away, we were in a crazy parking lot traffic jam at a standstill.

And I started ranting a bit - half preparing her that we would be leaving and half complaining like an annoyed tired mama.

When we didn't start moving when the car two ahead of us finally pulled into a parking spot, I realized the car in front of us must be waiting too. Insert dramatic sigh here.

Then, suddenly two more cars pulled out and the car in front of me waved as she pulled into the closest spot and I was able to pull into the next one.

"I cannot believe this, but there's totally a spot for us."

"Mama, I told you it was all going to be okay. It's always okay."

Yes. Yes it is kid.

::

There are those moments when I'm really not my best self. When I yell. When I get super exasperated. When I say the worst thing. But then there are moments when she reminds me that I'm doing things right, too.

And we just keep finding our way.

(Remember to notice the moments when things are going right, honey.)

---

I'm sharing more and more stories like this one over on Instagram. It's my favorite social media hang out, and I'd love to connect with you over there.

notes from the studio :: october

I have a confession: We've started listening to Christmas music in the Soul Mantras studio. Bonnie wanted to turn it on last week, and it felt perfect because we're planning out our holiday and word of the year offerings that I'll be sharing with you in the coming weeks. Not that I'm ready for Christmas time. I mean, I have to first figure out how to style Ellie's hair like Rey's by Friday's after-school Halloween parade. But I have to tell you, there is something deeply grounding about listening to Bing and Rosemary sing about walking in a winter wonderland. 

I hope you're noticing what's grounding you these days. It's a good idea to keep an ongoing list of grounding self-care moves to turn to. Just the act of making the list invites in mindfulness and self-care. One practice that's always on mine is using a mantra.

My Current Mantras

A few mantras that have been getting me through lately:

You have this day: I've been carrying around a talisman stamped with these words, and I shared the story behind it over on the Soul Mantras blog.

We go high: Michelle Obama's beautiful quote, "When they go low, we go high" comes up for me daily. I keep thinking about stamping it in my own "Secret Message" bracelet to wear when I need to remember how I want to move through the world.

I am with you: After I shared this story here and on Facebook about how my skin has been feeling like it's on inside out lately, a sweet soul posted "I am with you," and suddenly I felt like I could breathe deeper. I am with you. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm holding those words so close to me.

Enough: From "I am enough" to "enough is enough is enough" to "you have done enough, sweet soul," this word has so many layers of meaning, and it's the one word I've stamped in metal more than any other since starting Soul Mantras back in 2008. It is a mantra I often repeat while using a mala while meditating.

What mantras, words, prayers are you holding close lately? If you feel moved to, please leave a comment and let me know. Hearing your stories is such a gift to me. (Thank you.)

With the idea of helping us all keep our mantras, intentions, and prayers close to us, I'm having a 15% off sale over at Soul Mantras through the end of the month. When you check out, just use coupon code YOUAREAMAZING (in all caps) to take 15% off your order. The coupon works over on Etsy too.

We're customizing all of our hand stamped items these days, so if you love one of the mantra designs and want to customize it, that's totally possible (like the Secret Message bracelets above). I also love helping you find the mantras, gemstones, and intentions that support you, so if you have any questions, just reply and let me know. You can also explore Five Ways to Use a Mantra over on the Soul Mantras blog.

Big love,

Liz

my skin is on inside out

My skin is on inside out. This is what I keep thinking and saying to a few close friends. My skin is on inside out. I'm watching and reading the news. A lot. I'm praying. A lot. I'm trying to gather my practices to fortify myself. And yet, I feel myself slip toward the fear and the sadness. How did we get here?

::

My favorite movie is Lincoln. My daughter asks me this weekly, waiting for my answer to change to a movie she's allowed to watch.

"Why do you love it, Mama?" she asks.

Today, I would answer: Because it's a dive into a time in our history where one man was holding our future in his hands and he understood that truth in his bones. He was breathing that truth as he made mistakes and angered many and made choices only few can truly understand the weight of. Because somewhere in my heart I believe that each time I watch that movie, I move just a little bit closer to being able to be that brave.

::

I took a walk to get the mail this afternoon. We're in one of those neighborhoods with the boxes all together. I walked and noticed my senses. The lawnmower, the squirrel, the leaves fluttering against one another, the colors colliding, the clouds painted on the blue. I took a walk and tried to just focus on my senses to give my mind and heart some space.

::

As I watched the debate, and in the days since, I'm in this space of knowing I need to be a witness. A witness to your stories, to my own. A witness for this woman who stands tall against a man who symbolizes abuse and rage and fear of other. My skin is on inside out as I hear your stories. As I watch her stand tall as he looms. As I hear an audience on the news chant about repealing the 19th amendment so that women cannot vote anymore.

::

My skin is on inside out. But I'm standing. I'm a witness to it all. I will not look away. And I will acknowledge those with less privilege who have felt this way their entire lives.

::

I hear these words:

We breathe. We hope.

When they go low, we go high.

Let freedom ring.

I hear these words and I lift my head up toward the sky and let the love and connection that is waiting for each of us hold me for a moment.

::

This is The And Space.

This is where I hold fear and disbelief in one hand and love and hope in the other. This is where I dig deep into what I know and dig even deeper to understand what I do not.

This is where we all live.

(Can you feel this truth even more, right now?) 

And in telling our stories, we will realize again and again that we are not alone in this space.

quiet in-between moments

Making these little altar vignettes, gathering the simple and sacred pieces that speak to me, telling the story of this moment, this has become a way to practice self-care in the in-between moments while the house is quiet and the flurry of all that must get done can wait a little longer.

Notice what fills you up in the quiet in-between moments.

Go there more often, dear heart. 

(Shown above: little Ganesh statue, Truthbomb deck vol 1, fluorite heart from my Soul Mantras shop, prayer stick I wrapped during the presidential debate, and a jade plant - they are so easy to take care of, you can do it!!)

I can choose to keep my heart open.

A story I shared with the lovely souls on my newsletter list:

I'm over here in my studio in the in-between space before Ellie gets home from school, and I'm thinking about you. And I want to talk about something.

I want to talk about how we struggle to stay open even as we long for more love in our lives. How we push others away yet we long to feel seen. How we want to protect ourselves from hurt even though being human means we will get hurt. 

I want to talk about how we close ourselves off from what we long for in such subtle ways.

We close our hearts when we don't accept a compliment, when we put ourselves down, when we get upset with our loved ones about the little things even when we know we could let them go. 

We have signs and quotes in our homes that talk about enjoying the simple moments and choosing dancing over doing the dishes, but we pile on the self-loathing when we scroll through Instagram and see perfect kitchens and flawless self-portraits.

We each have our own ways of making the choice not to open toward this life we're longing for, and I've been noticing how these choices happen in the most routine moments.

The other day, I had an experience of healing around, and I want to tell you about it. Earlier this week, I shared this photo on Instagram. 

And I paired the photo with these words: On Sunday evening, when I was taking a photo of our dinner table before letting everyone dive in (as one does), Jon said that I looked beautiful and I should take a selfie right this minute. I scoffed (as one does when married for a long time): My sunglasses are on my head. We're about to eat dinner. I don't want to be the blogger taking a selfie while her family waits to eat. But then I stopped and just flipped the camera around and took it. And today when I found it on my camera roll, I had this moment of getting how he sees me. Going to let that sink in as I make my way through this day.

Because here's the truth: Yes, I practice the mirror meditation and have come to a really positive space with how I think about my own beauty. I feel comfortable sharing self-portraits, and I certainly don't aim for flawless, perfection when I do. And yet, it is very hard for me to believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful. Especially in an everyday moment. I usually say something sarcastic or roll my eyes or use the "it's because I put on mascara" excuse.

But this time he said it right in front of our daughter who was taking in every word. And when I started to reply sarcastically, I looked at her watching me and stopped and took a breath and chose to listen.

It was such a simple, everyday kind of moment; one that none of us would have really remembered no matter how I responded. But one that deeply impacts all of us.

Dismissing someone's love is not how I want to move through my world over here, especially when this someone is my husband. And I don't want my daughter to witness this dismissal. 

I can choose to make another choice.

I can choose to keep my heart open.

This truth is why I have these words hanging in my studio.

I wrote these words and then made a little print so I could hang them up, so I will read them again and again to remember that keeping my heart open to all of it is a huge piece of my life's work.

This really is The And Space - we keep our hearts open to the joy and heartache, the beauty and the mess, the truth and all that we cannot control. All of it.

Even though this can feel huge, I have good news for both of us dear heart: This work of keeping our hearts open is actually done in the simplest of moments. At the kitchen table when someone else says, "You are beautiful." And you choose to believe them.

This work is done: 

• When you smile at the new mom at school who looks as unsure as her child.

• When you say, "Yes" to getting out of the house to connect with others.

• When you look yourself in the eye in the bathroom mirror and whisper "You've got this."

• When you stop talking on the phone when going through the checkout line.

• When you see the dishes in the sink and choose the dance party anyway.

• When you don't hold back the tears when with those you trust.

• When you gently say, "Could you listen to me instead of fix?" when a friend dives into her fixer role.

• When you wake up 10 minutes earlier to give yourself the gift of quiet before everyone else gets up.

• When you wear the red lipstick because it brings you joy.

• When you order takeout because the day really was that long and hard and no one is grading your ability to make dinner every single night.

This work of keeping our hearts open is done when we choose love and kindness and bravery in simple, real, moments that make up our daily lives.

So here's a little homework for you: Look for your own simple moments where you can choose to keep your heart open (even when the old stories might be pulling you to do something else). And then, if you want to, come back to this email and press reply and tell me about them. Or tell me about one of these moments that happened recently to you. I'd really love to hear your stories.

And remember honey, you are a light is this world. We are all blessed because you are here.

Yes. Yes. Yes.